Every Once In A While...

Saturday, March 26, 2011 at 9:29 PM
...I feel very aware of my alone-ness. What made me realize that was the absence of any night time activities (the bar.) this weekend. A few friends happened to be out of town this week, and another friend who was supposed to visit couldn't make it to town, so I ended up having no real plans. Even though I was satisfied with the things I did this weekend (eat BBQ, workshop, motorcycle), I still felt twinges of not belonging anywhere. Hence, my feeling of loneliness. I guess most people feel like they have their family? I don't really have that feeling for my family, and I've always believed the disconnection isolated me from everyone around me. In any case, whenever I feel lonely, there's a desperation in me, to find a place where I belong. Of course, the reason I feel lonely in the first place is because I don't feel like I belong. So I end up shutting out everything beyond myself, and after a short while I don't feel lonely anymore. I guess self-focus is important here.

I'm about to doze off right now, so I'll finish the analysis later. Or more likely, not. I had a workshop today about my research area, which was really enlightening. I met people that had a similar area of study as me. It was also really good to talk to people one on one, to find out what they do. I get a stronger sense of belonging (there it is again), which makes me more motivated.

I also rode 20 miles to MIT Endicott House in sub-freezing temperatures. Man, that was cold; I think I still felt cold at lunch time. The people at the workshop kept commenting on my bike. They thought I was crazy for riding in these temperatures. Guilty as charged. I was seriously questioning my reasoning for riding that morning. ZZZzzzzzz......*sleep*

- Howitzer

0 comments

Post a Comment

Howitzer | Entries (RSS) | Comments (RSS) | Designed by MB Web Design | XML Coded By Cahayabiru.com | Distributed by Deluxe Templates